And yes, I have now been banned from still another store for still another anti-early Christmas tirade, but the jokes on them: They had to clean up after my head exploded.

Win the lottery.
Yeah, let's try this again: Apparently it didn't keep my answer last time. I'm told I can write pretty well. On the other hand,…
Hey, nobody writes a book about my life but me. It'll be entitled, "Slightly Off the Mark: Heartbreak, Disaster, and Inappropriate Humor". Have I…