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dumb and "AAaaaahhhh!!!!!"

Okay, so this is what happened:

A guy walks into a bar (no, this is not a joke). He spends the night drinking and playing with this knife of his -- apparently he's very proud of it, showing it off, flipping it around and such. He drinks more. Eventually he gets into some tiffs with people, and he's still waving the knife around, so he gets kicked out of the bar. Did I mention he's drinking heavily? And still tossing the knife around?

Well, Mr. Brain Surgeon -- and it's funny I should mention surgery -- eventually slips, as you knew he would, and stabs himself in ... Okay, you squeamish people might want to stop reading here ... the eye. That's when we got the 911 call.

The name of the bar? One Eyed Jacks.

It could only be more ironic if his name actually *was* Jack.


( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 4th, 2006 07:26 am (UTC)

That's the perfect icon accompanying your post.
Sep. 4th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC)
Yeah, I thought that icon was appropriate, too. :-0

And Ewww was pretty much my reaction, once I got past, "Oh, crap! Send everybody!"
Sep. 4th, 2006 07:49 am (UTC)
I shouldn't laugh - but that's given me a good giggle to go to work on.

Have to agree - that is a perfect icon for the tale as well.
Sep. 4th, 2006 08:44 am (UTC)
Go ahead and laugh -- it fits under "stupid criminal tricks" as far as I'm concerned! I'm having trouble laughing myself, but only because I keep cringing.
Sep. 4th, 2006 09:23 am (UTC)
Was he trying to become an embarassing headline?
Sep. 4th, 2006 09:27 am (UTC)
I think he was trying to become a pitiful drunk punchline ... oh, wait! Too late.

The irony is, there's been no press release on this incident yet, so I can't write an article about it for our newspaper yet -- even though I knew about it through my full time job from the moment it happened. It can be very confusing, working as a part time reporter and a full time dispatcher.
Sep. 4th, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)

And you say that this is NOT a joke? Because it certainly sounds like one...

Poor man...
Sep. 4th, 2006 09:54 pm (UTC)
Nope, it happened pretty much exactly that way, in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Sadly, it very much does sound like a joke, though. I've been cringing constantly ever since, but I don't feel overly sorry for the stupid ones anymore -- it's hard to maintain sympathy in my business.

By the way, an update -- it appears he's going to be able to keep his eye.
Sep. 4th, 2006 04:45 pm (UTC)
Of course my first reaction was - why are they sending a fire truck to him, and then I remembered you are a dispatcher too.... *g* I had visions of him falling onto the knife and then spontaneously catching fire.. Yes, my mind is strange.

And how do you fall on a knife at eye level?? That takes some skill.

All joking aside, I hope he was OK, although I assume that the eye couldn't be saved.
Sep. 4th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
maybe it was a lightsaber knife?
Actually, they did send a fire truck, in addition to an ambulance and scores of police officers. In most areas of the U.S. fire departments run first responders -- they train the firefighters and send them to assist the medics on critical ambulance calls. On my fire department, first responder calls make up almost a third of all the run we make.

Anyway, it appears he didn't fall on the knife. He was playing with it -- flipping it around and such -- and it seems his state of intoxication made him lose control of the, um, flip.

Get this -- I just heard this morning that they think they've saved the eye. It appears the knife didn't penetrate the eyeball, but kind of ... well, you don't want any details, suffice it to say it wasn't nearly as bad as it looked.
Sep. 5th, 2006 05:33 am (UTC)
Re: maybe it was a lightsaber knife?
Wow he was lucky!!
Sep. 4th, 2006 05:46 pm (UTC)
Gyargh! Poor bastard.
Sep. 4th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
insert the word "dumb" in there
yeah ... even though he brought it on himself, I still keep thinking, "Augh!!!"
Sep. 4th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC)
Re: insert the word "dumb" in there
Heh - 'Augh!' is such a Linus Van Pelt sentiment :)
Sep. 5th, 2006 12:12 am (UTC)
Linus Van Pelt
Just as I'm a combination of Xander and Giles, I'm also a combination of Charlie Brown and Linus ... or so I'm told.
Sep. 5th, 2006 07:02 am (UTC)
Re: Linus Van Pelt
You must be the worldliest, least personally secure kid on the block :)
Sep. 5th, 2006 12:20 pm (UTC)
voted most likely to be less secure
Huh. That's ... actually, a pretty good description ...
Sep. 4th, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC)
Ok, I must be a bad person because this makes me want to laugh my butt off....
Sep. 4th, 2006 10:02 pm (UTC)
Well, none of us laughed at the time ... we were too busy cringing at the thought. But later that morning, after we'd gotten more details, I suddenly made the connection with the name of the business. It was hard not to make cruel jokes after that.
Sep. 4th, 2006 11:25 pm (UTC)
This is definitely in the truth-is-stranger.. category. I'm laughing much too hard at someone's injury. It beats the hell out of my local shot-himself-in-the-foot story.
Sep. 5th, 2006 12:14 am (UTC)
Well, shot in the foot has been so *done*. EVERYBODY shoots themselves in the foot, these days.

I was laughing, too, later on. Gotta be careful about gallows humor these days, though; there's already some controversy going around on that subject over the Steve Irwin death.
Sep. 5th, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
I saw some of the Steve Irwin stuff. My "favorite" was the woman who wanted to torture the stingray. Because, yeah, that's just what he would have wanted.

The shot in the foot was a bit above the norm. There was a guy out on parole, so he wasn't supposed to have firearms. But he stuck a gun in his pocket, and went off to show off at a local bar. However, when he reached in his pocket, he pulled the trigger. (Apparently the concept of a safety was strange to him.) He was probably lucky he only hit is foot.

This is where it gets kind of fun, but not up to your story. He fled the scene, and got as far as a Taco Bell two blocks away, where they called for an ambulance. Once at the hospital, he gaved an assumed name (because that always works) and made up a story of having been mugged. But by that time, the bar had called the cops, and there just aren't that many foot-shootings downtown in our little city in any given night year.

Goofiest thing to happen downtown since a guy got into an argument, went back into his apartment, and started chasing the other guy around with a katana.
Sep. 5th, 2006 12:48 am (UTC)
OMG -- what kind of moron would want to torture the stingray?!

That is a pretty good story, and actually fairly typical of the way scumbags think. You'd be surprised how often we find a car crashed along the side of the road, and when we show up at the guy's house he's drunk and saying, "What?! Somebody stole my car and wrecked it?" Sometimes they stick to that even after we've followed muddy footprints or a trail of blood right from the crash scene to the house.

I'll bet the guy who was being chased didn't think the katana was funny. :-)
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )

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