Anyway, while sweeping the place out I encountered the biggest spider I've seen since watching the movie "Tarantula" when I was a little kid. The spider in that movie was so big that it took Clint Eastwood (one of his first movie roles) piloting a fighter jet to finally put it down.
I tried to clobber him with the broom (the spider, not Clint), but it just grabbed the broom away and broke it in half. So I slammed the overhead door shut, ran to the hardware store, and filled my garage with so much poison that even Godzilla would develop a cough.
I should be able to park the car in there in five or six months, depending on EPA testing.