I’m going to shave my head.
I got the idea from Ed Anderson, who works where I do at the Sheriff’s Department. Ed is the chairman of this year’s Noble County Relay for Life, and he came up with the idea as part of raising funds for the American Cancer Society. He, along with Mark O’Maley, the Community Representative for the American Cancer Society, has agreed to have his head shaved if Relay for Life teams raise $100,000 this year.
Fighting cancer is a pretty good reason to do anything, but Ed has one of those military type cuts, anyway – what we really need is someone with longer hair, someone who treasures it and would be truly bothered if it was gone, someone who, if bald, would frighteningly resemble Uncle Fester from The Adams Family.
Someone like me.
Personally, I’d rather urinate on a live electric fence instead, and don’t think I didn’t offer. Maybe that would have finally put some body into my hair.
So I e-mailed my girlfriend about it. Why not speak to her in person? Well, she likes long hair on men, and complains every time I get an inch cut off, so I was a little worried she’d take the idea badly. “So,” I wrote, “how do you feel about the idea of me allowing them to shave my head if the Relay for Life teams raise at least $100,000 to fight cancer?”
“I will kill you.
“Until you die.”
Emily is a person of strong feeling.
Eventually we came to a compromise. You see, I like her hair, but she’s not satisfied with it at present. So, I can shave my head -- if she can get a Mohawk.
Here’s the deal: If this year’s Relay for Life raises $100,000, I will show up at the Relay as one of three people to have my head shaved, in public, for all the world to see. Yes, there will be pictures, which I will proceed to post in the newspaper and on the internet. Whether you’re willing to look at the pictures is something you have to decide for yourself.
So here’s all that info, one more time: go online at www.relayforlife.org/noblecountyin, join a team (or contact team recruitment chairperson Stacey Lang at (260) 894-1418, or by e-mail at email@example.com), or contact Ed Anderson at firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. (I'm on Team Spencer this year.)
For $100,000, I’ll be rewarded with a free haircut and another column, with pictures. Do it for me. Do it for the people who don’t have a choice but to lose their hair, during their personal fight against cancer.
Do it for the chance to make fun of me. Whatever makes you do it.