1. Who would win in a bar fight: Little Richard or Richard Simmons?
Simmons would be all over it, until Richard screamed in his ear.
2. What is the best way to get out of a sticky situation?
3. How old were you when you finally stopped believing in Santa Claus?
What? What do you mean?
4. Did you know that Paris Hilton believed in Santa Claus until she was 17? How does that make you feel?
Seriously, what about Santa Claus?
5. Describe everything about you in one word.
6. What's scarier: Your father's expression when you were a teenager and he caught you doing something wrong or the fact that TGI Friday's now serves deep fried macaroni?
My father invented deep fried macaroni. And paddles with holes in them.
7. If zombies took over your town, describe your attack plan.
A cease and desist order.
8. Why are polar bears so prone to drinking Coca-Cola?
Because nobody told them cocaine is no longer an ingrediant.
9. Ok, cut the crap. Who's your real father?
That guy on the commercials who says "Please don't squeeze the Charmin!" After Take Your Son to Work Day, I realized I had nowhere to go but up.
10. Why is a raven like a writing desk?
They both have quills?
11. What's worse: Having your teeth pulled or having to watch The Scorpion King 2?
Either way, popcorn will get me into trouble.
12. Gummi worms or gummi bears?
Well, with the bears wouldn't you get fur in your teeth?
13. Care Bears or Cabbage Patch Kids?
Cabbage Patch Kids are evil. But with Care Bears, the fur gets in your teeth.
14. What color underwear are you wearing right now?
Jeez, that's boring.
Purple striped man-thongs. There -- better?
15. Isn't taking off your bra and getting your back scratched right where the straps were digging into your flesh just about the best feeling in the world?
Who told you about the bra?
16. If someone is scratching your back, do you like it hard or a barely-there tickle?
You mean right where the straps were digging into my flesh? Look, I don't know how you found out, but what I do with my own time ...
17. If someone is massaging your back, do you want them to dig in and cause pain or are you a complete wimp and just want a gentle rub?
I hate pain; that's why I became an EMT.
18. What's one part of your body that you can't stand to be touched?
19. What's creepier: People who dress up like babies and like to have sex or people who dress up like horses, whinny and gallop around and then have sex with each other?
Um ... I guess I'm not as kinky as I thought I was.
20. How do you solve a problem like Maria?
Seriously, about Santa Claus ...