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July 10th, 2014

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At Least The Cubs Never Lost To Belgium

SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK


            I was going to make fun of soccer last week, until I realized I’d never actually watched a soccer game. It wasn’t fair, poking fun of something I had no knowledge of, although maybe I’m the only one who feels that way. So I sat down to watch an entire World Cup game (Mexico vs. Greece). It’s good to experience new things, educate yourself, exposure yourself to other cultures.

            Now I’m ready to make fun of soccer.

            (You might be reading this after the World Cup is over, thanks to the quirks of my schedule—it’s like Star Trek time travel, only without the techno-babble.)

            Soccer’s just never been on my radar. Not only do I have little interest in sports, but I live in America, the black hole of soccer. We even stole its proper name, football, and gave it to an entirely different sport.

           When I was a kid, the only sports I had anything to do with were forced on me in gym class, whenever I couldn’t find a decent hiding place. Our gym teacher did a good job of exposing us to different sports. Sure, there was basketball and football, but in winter we’d shovel the ice off the school pond and give hockey a try. We ran track, of course, and played badminton, which involves a slow moving thingy that we would busily swing at, and miss. Or maybe it was just me missing.Collapse )

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