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October 3rd, 2013

My tweets

  • Wed, 14:11: Congress still getting paid? They stopped doing essential work years ago.

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Don't Get Fired Up In The Kitchen

SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK


            It goes without saying that the best way to maintain safety in a kitchen is to keep me out of it.

            But I said it anyway, and as it happens, the theme of this year’s Fire Prevention Week is “Prevent kitchen fires”. Even a group of Congressmen couldn’t argue over whether that’s a good idea. Could they?

            “My esteemed colleague doesn’t seem to understand that if all fires were prevented, it would mean unemployment for untold numbers of construction crews and emergency room workers!”

            Yeah, I guess they could.

            The National Fire Protection Association decides on themes for this important week. Since cooking is the number one cause of home fires, I think they’ve chosen wisely. If only they chose wisely in naming their mascot, a huge and rather over caffeinated looking dog named Sparky.

            We don’t want sparks. Sparks are bad, except when lighting campfires, or igniting homemade cannons to flatten alien invaders. Shouldn’t the NFPA’s mascot be named Soggy? Or would that cause thoughts of nightmare scenarios involving puppy training?

            I once tried to train our dog to extinguish cooking fires, but he didn’t want to expose that particular part of himself to the flames. Smart dog.
           In our house the kitchen is fairly safe as long as I’m not allowed to cook; and when I am allowed to cook, food poisoning usually takes the number one danger spot. Instead, my wife cooks while I do the dishes, which seems pretty fair. No one has ever started a fire while doing dishes, although I did electrocute myself that way, once. Okay, twice.Collapse )

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