January 24th, 2013

winter hatred

When Canadians Rule The Earth


(I wrote this back in 2005, but news of an arctic air mass heading this way made me think of it again. Also, I couldn’t write a new column … my fingers are frozen.)

My friend, who I’ll call Howie Dunnit, has some interesting ideas.  For instance, he was the first to come up with the concept of reality television, many years ago.  He wanted to take the ten celebrities he hated the most, put them on an island with large ravenous beasts, and film them trying to survive.

You can see he was way ahead of his time.

Anyway, the other day Howie stopped by and said, “I’ve come up with a plan to solve our nation’s biggest problem.”

What? I asked.  You mean the war on terror?

“No, no – that’s not our biggest problem.”

Hurricane relief?  Red ink spending?  The Kardashians?

“I’m talking about our porous border, and how all those people are coming into America because of it.”

Oh!  Well, solving the socioeconomic difficulties that have led to Mexicans leaving their nation to begin with would –

“I’m not talking about that, man.  Illegal immigration from the South is a problem we’re aware of.  I’m talking about something much more insidious, an invasion of our country that nobody’s even willing to acknowledge.  I’m talking about Canada.”

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