?

Log in

No account? Create an account

December 13th, 2012

My tweets

  • Thu, 06:32: Best Winter Car Tip: Move South http://t.co/SX0JuY1d “Cures scurvy, boils, black lung, and can be used to wax your wagon and kill weeds!”

Tags:

Best Winter Car Tip: Move South

SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK

            There’s one thing more suspicious than a list of suggestions from the internet, and that’s a list of suggestions punctuated by exclamation points. For some reason, it makes me think of snake oil salesmen, explaining why you have to buy their stuff “right now!”

            “I’ll only be here for one day! This miracle liquid, imported from the mysterious Indian continent, cures scurvy, boils, and black lung, and can also be used to wax your wagon and kill weeds!”

            Still, when someone makes suggestions for how to survive winter, I’m listening.

            Everybody knows how I feel about winter. If I won the lottery, I’d immediately buy a winter home in Hawaii. If the payout wasn’t enough for two homes, I’d move to a place where it never snows. If I won a small lottery, I’d at least crank up the heat and hire someone else to do anything involving going outside. Those would be my first priorities.

            Maybe I should buy a ticket, someday.           

But I don’t buy lottery tickets, and so am left cold, miserable, and looking for any relief. These are the conditions that lead people to watch infomercials, and call 800 numbers at 3 a.m. Or, in my case, to read ideas from strangers with a stuck exclamation point on their keyboard. Here are the helpful hints for winter that I got from that most reliable of sources, the internet:Collapse )

Latest Month

October 2019
S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow