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May 5th, 2011

SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK

 

            I’ve been thinking a lot of about royalty and weddings lately.

            Don’t know why.

            Just kidding, of course I know: It’s because I’m engaged, and we’re basing our wedding budget on the one everyone’s most familiar with: that of Prince one-of-those-brothers and Kate something or other.

            Rather than reinventing the wheel, we’ll copy the royal wedding and scale it down a bit. For instance, their wedding is budgeted at $34 million, making it one of the costliest celebrations of any kind in history.

            We simply removed the zeroes; our wedding budget is $34. Have another Cheeto and a cut of tap water, everyone!

Their security cost another $32 million, billed to the British taxpayers. Too bad they couldn’t bill extremist groups, who vowed to disrupt the event in any way possible. Some anarchists were planning to protest, but they just couldn’t get organized. Also protesting: opponents of certain world leaders who were invited despite the fact that they’re – oops – hated despots.Collapse )

 

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